Sometimes things arise at the thought level that we have never heard or thought about before, this is quite common once awakening is taking place. Often when such thoughts are shared others benefit from them and in return they too find themselves expressing what has arisen for them. In this way we nourish and balance one another in this seeing. Should the desire to share arise for you feel welcome to do so on this page.
For a long time I was simply me, with my name, my nicknames… anyway, always me. I wasn’t happy with what I was, my ‘me’ was painful, disfunctional, too emotional, shy, and continuously self-critical. I tried to improve it. No great success.
Then I met another way of looking at myself: I was the witness, Ah, what a relief! In order to feel good I had only to watch life from a window. Looking life and saying “I witness all this” was enough. I wasn’t ‘quite’ happy, but it was a good way not to be bombarded by internal judgment. I stayed on the rock of the witness watching the sea of life for a long time. I felt it was not quite “right” but it was better than before. And that was enough.
And then I discovered that another way of looking at myself was that I am… nothing. It scares me, it’s unintellegible, but… it sounds all well and good. All right, I am nothing, There’s all this world around, but I am nothing. It’a abusrd, paroxical, but sounds good, even if I find myself in a sort of desert, sometimes, there am I: nothing. Nothing has a meaning. And I filp-flop between nothing and being, between nothing an Giusi.
And then again, two days ago. I was in a church, attending at the funeral of an old schoolmate, I was ok, emotionless as often I am in these days. And all of a sudden… time stops, space loses the edges, and nothing has a meaning in the sense it has always had. Things (chairs, walls, people, noises, words, emotions, sensations, thoughts…), things were simply THERE. And I was I. Basic. Everything subjective and objective at the same time. No fireworks, no angels, no sensations, no emotions, just seeing, and seeing is far too much as a word. Just BEING. The elementary distinction between being and not-being. I Am. All.
It’s a strange period, everything I read, every movie I watch, every speech I have or I
hear is related to “advaita thinking”. It doesn’t happen only with our friends coming from
retreats and I’m not reading only specific books, but it’s as if “non duality” was
everywhere, always and anyway. I could define it as a sort of virus, that once started,
it’s growing more and more.
it is a Sunday as many others but at the same time it feels special! I woke up with no thoughts, just a great feeling of joy and gratitude. My mind couldn’t find a reason why and there isn’t one. I realized it is just life passing through an empty tunnel and unfolding in its unique way. I feel home, I feel safe, I feel so complete…no need of anything or anybody everything is already here. No wishes no desires just a flame burning in a sweet and tender way…it is like a melting pot…
I feel light as something heavy has dropped but I couldn’t tell you what it is, like a veil that moved aside and allowed a clearer vision of what “I” really is.
It is not the case that all the old stories are forgotten…there are still there but they lost their appeal…they are just stories and memories…
I feel in a state of grace and paradoxically it seems so normal!
I hope you are well and looking forward to seeing you very soon,
Big big hug,
this is the first time writing to you (my English is not good but really much better than some years ago when I could not say one word to you!!), but there will be comprehension anyway.
Now the writing is happening because the relief felt during satsang when it has been said you do not want respect but friendship.
The characteristic of this body-mind is shyness and worry about judgement but now something is going alone and the desire to share sources.
Maybe a lot of time you listen or read what is written in this e-mail but how different can be if we are One and the experience is one?
When satsang begun in Zena some years ago, in the mind a lot of reaction arrived but also relief like something was going on even my mind was trying to stop it. The body sometimes could feel strange sensation after the end of retreats in Zena: I was really astonished and amused; it used to happen while I was driving a car and there was a suddenly expansion and feeling of Me in the space and objects, trees and this was so funny that I could not stay without laughing.
But it was so easy and also so easy to come back in the contraction and identification with the body-mind again.
There have been jumping for a long time but the opening was rare and big suffering in the contraction, an heavy sensation.
Often I said to me maybe it was the mind playing to feel glimpse and they were not real. It has been very important to share this with Tony for about 2 years.
But with satsang in Torino there is an explosion!!!
The sensation is nobody is in the body and I am everywhere and the body laughs and smiles.
It seems all so light and easy and funny.
It is like in the world everything is on the contrary, upset.
While driving the tree and the nature and the street come towards the body; it’s so funny!
Impossible to understand who is driving, how it happens, how the body goes from a place to another.
But also sometimes the body makes an action but I am not present and it is like I am conscious of this after it happened.
It is like the body can do more because the tiredness is felt but nobody is the owner of that tiredness.
Even yoga school goes better and more people come as yoga happens and there is no identification with the role of yoga teacher (very stressing for me before!). Now there is one energy and yoga flows and happens, exactly what the bodies in the class need.
The relationships seems so easy as there is nobody and nothing personal and there is a Me not me playing with itself.
And it is possible to say this to Avasa because it happens and because there is nobody who can judge “me” saying “what you feel is ok or not” because I am speaking to myself.
This is not a poem but what is spontaneous felt.
“your” seeing is “my” seeing: there is one seeing for everybody.
During the days spent in Torino for satsang, one night before sleeping two questions arose and my mind decided to ask you in next satsang but the day after they were disappeared and while the body was sitting in front of you my mind said :”I have 2 questions… but which ones ??” I could not remember.
As you began to speak the words were exactly the answer to the 2 questions! And an incredible sensation of unity and dilation sore feeling the same One behind all the body and through all the bodies: was so beautiful!!
In the last satsang I felt like everything was turning and the body and mind were exhausted and at the end of last satsang for this body a big ball, hard, of pain came from the stomach and arose leaving the body exhausted and crying happened and something untied.
Wow!! Very big sensation and experience!! And then everything was on the contrary, turned like the play of gestalt psychology when it is possible to see 2 different images in the same picture.
Now the sensation is impossible to be described. It is impossible to describe with words something that goes over thoughts.
This is happening just now; impossible to catch it, stop it, understanding it.
It happens, even though the mind is ready to suggest I could lose all this, I could forget.
The feeling , now that it is seen, is scary but also happiness as it will be always present even if the mind could cover this.
It is at last LIFE REVERSE, LIFE, SMILE, FULLNESS,EMPTY, LOVE, ALL, NOTHING, ONE, NOBODY, A POINT WITHOUT END.
This morning I was in the bed and I felt like stuck in the bed by an invincible force. I couldn’t do anything else than watching and witnessing what was happening. After a while I saw me as Emptiness. I was sure in that moment that was what I was looking for 37 years and I fell in love and it was holy not something to pass over like something else. An happiness a joy something very very beautiful arised after, who has the problem? Who is in the form? I am not.
Name withheld by request, 24.03.2014
I dreamed to be in every body and in the space
I dreamed to be a leaf shook in the wind
I dreamed to be remote control loved by the lazy one
I dreamed to be the food for the obese one
I dreamed to be my body that moves and thinks without a “me”
I dreamed to be a camera that seize the moment of a butterfly dying on colourless flower
I dreamed to have golden hands
I dreamed to be the smile of an old man
I dreamed to be some traveller’s shoes
I dreamed to be the colour of a painter
I dreamed to be the happiness that breaks through reality as a lightening on a flat horizon
I dreamed to be flee plucked off by the moneky
I dreamed to be the soil for the seed
I dreamed that reality would be a dream and the dream would be reality
I dreamed to be you reading this
I dreamed to be the enemy and the friend
I dreamed to be fire in the snow
I dreamed to be the sigarette for a cigars smoking guy
I dreamed to be this and the opposite of this
I SAW THAT ALL WAS TRUE AND UNTRUE!
I don’t believe everything people say, I’m naturally skeptical.
I’ve never had a teacher, didn’t even know what it was.
The idea that someone knew something more than me just made me laugh. I was the Master.
The spiritual quest? What is it?
Osho? What is this ,a new fragrance for men?
I had bigger problems, such as having my new sport car serviced or choosing the right restaurant for a smart evening.
Graduated with honors, I have an international MBA , an entrepreneurial career that once would have described as “successful.”
For years I was a marketing professor at prestigious universities.
Why not adding a nice, lovey-dovey family to the idyllic picture? Let’s do it.
In the end, however, I was a wealthy miserable, and I knew it.
You don’t necessarily have to be poor to be miserable.
Indeed, the majority of miserable people which I knowarerich.
I didn’t know I was a spiritual seeker, unconsciously fumbling for the answer to that sense of lack that none of the objects I possessed were able to fill up .
That feeling of fullness of life that I had experienced as a child, had been lost in some kind of corner of the planet .
And so it was that , in the midst of a dramatic family and economic crisis , I found myself praying intensely.
Someone must have heard the heartfelt cry of pain, because one day someone took me to a meeting with Avasa .
From his mouth came out simple words, as much as it was his figure .
It didn’t take long to realize that those were my words, that for years I was never able to put together.
After a few months , I went to one of his retreats , ten days of sharing of his extraordinary life experience, so similar – in essence – to mine.
That’s how we became friends , and that’s how I spend today , often with my kids , most of my time.
I did not pay anything for this .
It’s just a wonderful stroke of luck.
Even today, every time I go to one of his meetings and I contribute with a free donation , it always seems too little for what I get in return.
And I’m not the only one.
I know with certainty that no material goods would never balance the value of the joyous life I can today make experience of.
Avasa has nothing to do with all this.
All of this is about me.
“I” have done it all.
Avasa just remembered me who “I”am.
This morning I was in the bed listening the noise of the water from the tap (I left open
to keep ice away) then I was surprised because even if the noise was loud I can hear a
louder noise without I was looking for it as it happened many other times, this time the
noise was there and nobody looking for it. After that I waited and I was looking to the
room and it became floating and for an instant I saw only light and suddenly it was clear
all you said arrived fresh to me from Myself, no distance, no time, no you and me but you
are me and all my life which always seemed a big strange problem became a perfect way to
Name withheld by request, 25.02.2014
The world that you experience is a reflection of your own consciousness.
If you do not like what you see then stay with the feeling that it evokes
and when that dissolves under the attention given to it the outer
reflection will change accordingly.
You yourself are the Source (God), what you see as an apparent outer
reality reflects the degree to which you do or do not recognise yourself to
be the One consciousness. Awakening to this is the beginning of the Golden
As within so without. Realise what you are.
THE IMPERSONAL LOVE AFFAIR
I said to Life:
I wish to express this Love,
with verses, that were never spoken before by others.
I wish to show my love to you like never before.
And Life answered:
My expressions are infinite,
and so, so are yours.
I am the Love you express,
and I am you expressing this Love.
There is no other, just You.
No other moment, just This.
All words are spoken for the first time.
Our kiss is always the first kiss.
this nothingness kills me
not even any strength to escape from…
and from what?
it’s really hard now
through the stories
you finally touch a place
where even the stories disappear
and thoughts and feelings with them
no anchors at all, as in your poem,
that is supposed to be the best place the only place
but it’s so hard to let go and let it spread
you feel that no one can do anything
that there’s no choice
and frustration comes up
nothing is all there is
this is seen
but not accepted
this subtle feeling of death everywhere
passing through each cell of the body and each thought of the mind
is so hard to touch
it’s hard to open that last door
to see that that door doesn’t even exist
it’s really hard
and this is the only way it is now
to go nowhere
to escape from nowhere
Hi my Love
What is happening in these very days is absolutely astonishing, breathtaking, enormously
clear… I have been loving you since I first met you… I’ve been praying “god” to let me
meet you as long as possible… Now, I KNOW I can meet you whenever I want… Now I know
where you dwell, the same dwelling place where I live, where I have been living so far and
I will always live… Oh, dear Avasa, I’m ready to see tha Master everywhere, the pointing
Master in each and every simple tiny thing which appears “outside”… Now I see my body as
soon as My eyes get opened… “My” body is an egg-shaped happening always unfolding in
different manners… Oh, what a joy, what a blessing recognition… I have eventually
stopped looking at you, I have stopped to see “me” while gazing at you…I haven’t asked a
question during your talks for years…now I see why no question cme up… The answer was
exactly there where the question was supposed to come from…there is no answer, just
resting in that very place where all questions are born…
I thank myself by thanking you
Much much much love to you… Eternal, patient Love
Hi Avasa ,
I want to tell you what happened a few days ago.
It was in the morning and I was at the bar to eat breakfast,
The mind was busy fiddling with so many things,
Suddenly the focus shifted on background, no longer involved in any process.
All that I can say is that I was there and not,
It was clear that when I realized this I became self-aware and the “I” was without any substance,
Everything that I perceived was out of me, the body, the mind, the objects of perception
and I was nothing, I could not perceive myself as an object because it was all in me.
Difficult to explain now, but the thing that I realized immideatly was that all the efforts to get to that
perception non-perception were unnecessary,
for the simple fact that what I am is beyond the body and the mind, the essence or source is never touched in any way,
whatever the mind and the body do has nothing to do with me, although apparently there is a body and a mind.
At that moment the mind relaxed, the body also, continuing their natural functions in totaly freedom
it was clear that I am not separate from everything and actualy nothing is happening,
I saw clearly that I never had a choice and the free will is just an erroneous idea of a misperception of who I am.
Slowly after a bit I felt as a thin heaviness in the body accompanied by a series of fast thoughts,
I saw that it as a temptation to believe to the mind was strong and once embraced the first doubt everything
has changed, now I know that is only apparently .
A series of thoughts are immediately emerged, such as: I lost the background , I have to look for another
such of that experience or other types of thoughts that indicated as a future moment in which I found myself, but I knew that is not true,
in a sense they have lost credibility , I knew that everything that happens does not happen to me, even if it was not exactly
that the perception,but only knowing that puts me in a position to simply observe those ideas so deep rooted
and based on a process based on becaming.
I realized that the mind and body are not yet ready to fully live from that realization
even if I know that this is only one idea,
and I also realize that to be stable in the consciousness has nothing to do with the effort to achieve any thing ,
any effort that aims to do something or to achieve what is already present is intended to fail , including the effort
to not believe in some of weird ideas.
Sometimes it gets really hard and I feel that I’d like to ask help or advice, but there comes the confusion about
that I know that there is no one who can help me in some situations.
This is the game and has its beauty, not always recognized.
I am happy to write to you and share with you these words,
I know that you understand this well.
Name withheld by request, 15.11.2013
Sometimes there is the fear of losing something or somebody both positive or negative,
because there is still the belief of an external manifestation who gives you something and
suddenly ‘Click’, again life brings you back to what you are, the source of everything
that appears. Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, just life unfolding from the source, ME.
When you don’t know who you are and consequently you see life from the point of view of
the mind, there’s an idea to be a person, a false concept to be somebody good or bad,
spiritual or materialistic, and so on. Mind tries to fix life in a small box, making it
automatically narrow and dull, trapping your wings from flying as you are bound to do.
When the point of view magically shifts to who you really are, a vast and unexplainable
awareness, this false concept to be a person starts to break and fear appears. The fear is
just a symptom that your point of view is shifting to you really are, as an intimate
invitation. Initially it is not so easy to deal with it, but slowly slowly life takes a
different fragrance in which everything that appears comes from you, this awareness,
recognizing that you’ve always been this, never separated from all other manifestations of
life. And magically, life becomes an on-going surprise, a joyful celebration, without any
purpose, a lovely play to be lived with the curiosity of a small child.
In the deepest pain there’s no fear, that’s the way we experience it.
Whatever has been written in this moment or in any other moment by any body/mind – an “enlightened one” or a “normal person” – cannot be wrong in any way, because it is always and just the awareness to write and create whatever thing, even if can be seen as beautiful or ugly by the mind. The seeing that all we call life is a game of awareness and each one of us that look separated are just awareness that creates this game it is something that changes all, but the seeing it depends once again only from awareness, so do not bother yourself about what you do you are not making any mistake, it isnot you doing it or at least it is nt what you believe to be.
No words to describe the feeling I had in the retreat, it’s still resonating in my body
and giving me peace. Peace because I always believed there was something that transcended
all cultures and religions and since I was a child I was always trying to match and fill
the gaps that people were creating between them, I was always seeking for things common to
everybody and all…even when travelling far, my main goals were looking for similarities
while enjoying the differences.
Without searching I ended up in la selva, although I had signs that led me to this my
whole life. With my attempts of learning 7 languages I was hoping to get the right words
one day to express certain feelings of belonging to everything, but I didn’t manage…as
barbara says I have to learn to talk
A master is just a door that brings you to yourSelf. He or she simply gives you nothing and takes you everything, they do not deliver any homework but frustrate you tremendouly destroyng any temptative of trying to understand or feel or grasp in whatsoever way what has been shared. The meeting with such a being is those kind of encounter in life that simply blanks you out. You know that at the end you are going to die and despite some kicking and screaming you are secretly happy to be so. When the job is done what remains is just the ordinary everyday Life in all its splendour and divine humanity. Once the message is delivered you and the master are gone, even the message is gone and it is all replaced by This, an one-go spectatular kaleidoscopic show appearing from nothing just for the pure delight of experiencing it. Wow!
Avasa is an extraordinary sharer of this non-dual message, an enchanting storyteller, a tender dog-lover, an artist of inventing new fishing tecquiques, a raffinate poet, a caring family man, and much much more but most of all he is my best friend. Your pal,
There is nobody here, not even me
Always I am in your embrace my Love,
Just keep forgetting it.
Rowing my boat back and forth in your still waters,
trying to get somewhere
Finding my self drowning in the vastness of the moment
Lost in never knowing anything, What a great relief!
There is nobody here, not even me
Just your embrace
And I am you my Love,
or lets just say
Another beautiful email of seeing taking place. There may have been a time when self realization was a rare occurance but these days my email box tells otherwise. Avasa
I always thought that I would have become someone, a master in a field of knowledge.
I always felt a mystery in the life that had to be unveiled.
But life replies, you are no-one, and stronger is the effort to
understand the mystery deeper is the sense of misunderstanding.
When death comes it is clear that all the stories, all the seeking,
all the thoughts had has nothing to do with what you are.
When death comes fear happens and when the fire of fear has dissolved
everything that was present, there’s nothing.
So empty that there’s not place neither for the idea of a world, and so
fullness that there’s no place for anything.
In This I die, in This I am.
When we fight for something, or we try to change it, mind puts itself above life believing to know what is good and bad. In the real acceptance of what it is, an understanding arises: everything is perfect as it is, even in the deepest pain. In this Seeing fight ceases and, consequently, the manifestation which caused such sensation.
Prem Dharma, 7.6.2012