I have often pointed out that as long as there is a desire for something at the level of thought or feeling then the very holding on to it at those levels is the very thing that prevents it manifesting and allowing yourself to have it!
Now before what is desired can finally come about as a created object or a situation it is my experience that it must therefore be let go of, sometimes for a second or two and sometimes to the point of forgetting about it altogether.
Maybe it is necessary to have a clear intellectual understanding of what one wants with attention and focus and also it may be necessary to match that with a fullness of feeling emotionally.
In this way the male and female aspect of the mind are not in conflict, BUT in my experience in every case where something has come into manifestation following a desire, for however long or worked on by the mind it was, all of that has to drop away.
I cannot have what I want if I hold it as an inner object of the mind.
Much of what I see as the circumstances of my life have appeared in this way but equally much also has manifest that was not thought about or involved feeling strongly about it beforehand.
In fact I can honestly say that what appears in my experience of the world just appeared ! without any effort on my part …….. from nowhere.
BUT …….. it has done so in a way that IF I had thought it out and IF I had felt it to its fullest, which I did not, it would have been exactly what I desired to come about in a future moment as my outer circumstances. Some part of my consciousness knows exactly what I want or need before it comes filtering through as the play of the mind.
It is if the attention, prior to the recognition of what one is, is seeking fulfilment or satisfaction in “things” but once one sees what one is over time, longer or shorter for different people because of their particular characteristics, the attention comes to rest naturally at home where it arises from in the Self.
When this is true of oneself the world does not stop manifesting but the desire for it to manifest in a particular way drops away more and more until activity in that direction ceases and

one watches the world trundle along and one is happy to trundle along with it in the direction it seems to be going.
This is watched from a place, which is no place, of non-activity.
An easiness towards life and a sort of abandon-ness one’s constant companion through the day. In this state life is somewhat dreamlike but yet at the same time even more real than previously when one was not rested in this place of recognition of oneself.
From time to time events pop up from nowhere and for a time maybe the attention goes to that event until the energy to give it attention slips away and one is again in balance, stabilized, with what is appearing just as it is in that moment.
In this one is again open and empty living with the realization that everything is alive and magically appearing, which means anything can, and does, appear. This is my memory of what childhood was like, which my daughter reminds me of many times in my daily life.
One finds oneself in awe of everything realizing that it need not exist at all and yet here it is, the mystery in manifestation.
Seeing the world in this way all is just as it is without need for it to be otherwise.
This is what is taking place here now for myself, I am losing interest in the focus of attention being on this illness and knowing more about it and how to cure it, or FIX it.
This does not mean in any way that I want it to stay or that I want to remain as it is and the body to die but that there is a kind of indifference to whether it goes or stays.
THIS is where, in my past experiences, things manifest as the previously desired change and come into manifestation. This that could be seen as indifference is not actually indifference but detachment, a watching of things happening without interference from the mind’s intentions for it to be other than what it is or going in another direction.
Let us see if the validity of this theory brings about the full healing as I have lost interest in focusing on it all.
It is time to do more important things, like go fishing. Let life unfold LOL.