This morning I went for the PET scan, this was the last in the present requirements to fulfil my agreement with the doctors before getting a complete diagnosis.
At lunch time I was visited by a doctor and the ematologist who told me yet again the situation and what I have, emphasizing that unless the chemotherapy begins in the next few days the delay will not be to my benefit and that if the cancer moves out of the testicles it may well go to the brain and the spine, the consequences of which are beyond thinking about.
Again the talk went in the direction of persuasion about my family if I decide not do anything about it and let things take their course. I was told to consider those around me who love me and I explained that if I die they will have to deal with their own emotions concerning that, which I am unable to do for them and which I am not responsible for. There was immediately a look of shock on the face of the woman ematologist I see that in this situation the majority of people, having a fear of death, are easily persuaded to take what is offered as the only available therapy.
I pointed out that I know a number of people who have used other therapies to recover from cancer and have recovered so it was not true what had just been stated and that there are other ways to heal cancer. Again was the insistence on needing to get on with the chemotherapy immediately. I pointed out that I would only
make a decision one way or the other about which therapy I chose if I was released from the hospital with a copy of the documents that they have collected on the diagnosis so far to meet with a friend of mine who is a doctor. I have stated this very clearly right from the time I was first approached on this matter of chemotherapy.
When it is clear that there is no one within the human form it is also clear, obviously, that no one dies so there is not fear BUT (the famous but!) I have two brand new fishing rods and two brand new fishing reels that I want to try out and make use of this year so I will be staying around for that.
It has been agreed that I will leave the hospital on Thursday 14th of this month.
I have spoken with both my partner Shikha and my daughter Tanya about which therapy I wish to do and the possible risks and they both agree with me in that I must do what I want to do regardless and that other peoples responses or reactions to that decision are their own to be dealt with.
I will explain the situation to my 7 year old daughter Daisy when I am out of the hospital so that she will be left with no surprises if my decision turns out to be the wrong one. I suspect that, like her mum and her sister, she will tell me that I must do what I feel is right for me.